LMF I

Beware the Chipmunk

Frodo: I will take the stupid ring! Hello? I SAID I WOULD TAKE IT!

Council: *quiet down*

Elves: *indignant that a hobbit thought it could out do them*

Men: *indignant that a hobbit beat them to the punchline*

Dwarves: *Just indignant about everything*

Gandalf: *hitting himself in the forehead and mumbling* I...almost...got...you...out...of...it...dernit!

Frodo: Er...one problem...I do not know the way.

Elrond: Are you sure, young Frodo, son of Drogo? It will be an enormous and dangerous task.

Frodo: *gulp* Yeah...I think...

Elrond: ...great! *snaps his fingers*

(The council suddenly are thrust into darkness and are left in it until they all realize that they are sitting down...)

Council: *find themselves in slightly comfortable plush chairs*

Some random person: HOLY CRAP!

(A large sign over head blinks 'SHUT UP')

(A spot light illuminates Elrond who has now added an obnoxious bow tie and thin silver mic to his ensemble. He looks remarkably stupid and annoying.)

Elrond: *smiling like a game show host* Then it's time to play! Let's make--

Sign: *blinks into 'SHOUT A FELLOWSHIP IN UNISON'*

Council: *in unison* A FELLOWSHIP!

Sign: *blinks into 'SHUT UP AGAIN!'

Elrond: Well, today on the show we have a young hobbit. This young lad lives on his own in a luxurious hobbit hole left to him by his dear Uncle. His hobbies include parties, reading books, visiting the Green Dragon with friends, and bearing the One Ring! Elves, dwarves, and men alike, please welcome... FRODO BAGGINS!!!

Frodo: *is illuminated on a stage in a big ugly chair* Um, hi? *waves in the wrong direction because the spots have momentarily blinded him*

Elrond: Right now, dear Frodo has volunteered to take the One Ring to Mt. Doom.

Sign: *CHEER MORONS!*

Council: *cheer like morons*

Sign: *ALRIGHT, SHUT UP NOW*

Elrond: Unfortunately he will most likely lose his life in the process of saving us all.

Sign: *ONE BIG AWWWW AND THEN SHUT UP*

Council: *obeys the sign* Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... *shuts up*

Frodo: *looking suddenly pale*

Elrond: *irritating game show host smile* Now, Frodo, you volunteered, but because we're nice, we'll let you pick at least one more person to accompany you. Are you ready?

Frodo: *gulp* Actually, can I ge--

Elrond: I thought so! Now here are the rules. You think of three questions that will help you discover of the six mystery contestants. They each volunteered to assist you in your quest. At the end of the show, you will choose.

Frodo: Um...where are the con--

Elrond: *snaps fingers*

(Another set of mysterious lights light up another section of stage, revealing six identical doors, each with a speaker on it.)

Elrond: Now start thinking of your questions! Audience, it's time to make--

Council: A FELLOWSHIP!

Sign: Darn you, beat me to it.

(Elrond disappears in his matrixy way. Frodo is suddenly the only other person in the room to see. He's not very comfortable.)

Frodo: *mumbles* This isn't very comfortable.

(Suddenly, in a flash, a young elf appears, attatches a lapel mic to Frodo's shirt, and vanishes.)

Frodo: That was wierd...

Elrond: *loudly clears his throat from the wings*

Frodo: Oh, yeah, er, questions. Um...volunteer one?

V1: What? Well, get on with it.

Frodo: If we were...stranded, yeah, on, on, a mountain...about to be...BURIED IN AN AVALANCHE, yeah, yeah, an avalanche, what would you do?

V1: *sounds as if is talking into a pair of socks* Hmmmm...I would suggest that we go back down and through the pass that would take us to my city, where we would recieve a warm welcome and much aide from my people.

Frodo: Oh, sounds like a good idea.

V1: *probably chewing on the sock now* I should say so. It was mine.

Frodo: Sure...right. Number two?

V2: *masked by staticy sound* I would suggest we go through the mines, and we would, because I'm going to be king and you HAVE to listen to me.

Frodo: Really. Sure. You keep thinking that. Three, you're up.

V3: *sounds like is talking through a cardboard tube* I would not care what we did, because not only am I impervious to the cold, I can walk on snow too! So there.

V4: *talking through what sounds to be a box of rocks* I would demand to go through the mines because it is deep and dark and there would be lots of ale and red meat right off the bone.

Frodo: Good for you. I sense conflict, so let's move on to five.

V5: *highpitched and distorted...possibly with a wad of gum* Like snow? On a like, mountain? I SO wouldn't be caught DEAD up there. Snow would, like, make my hair go like totally frizzy! Ick!

Frodo: Augh! Valley girl evility! The pain! My ears...noooooooo...six, please, speak!

V6: *sounds like is talking into their elbow* I should say not least. Bah! I would recommend the mines so I can sacrifice my life valiantly in fire, and then return stronger so I could save the wo- er, assist you in saving the world

Frodo: Really? That's really interesting!

(Frodo is suddenly drowned out by applause from the audience as Elrond announces a commercial break.)

Sign: Stupid audience. Only clap when I command you!

(INSERT COMMERCIAL HERE)


	Beware the Chipmunk The Chicken! \| LMF I \| In Saruman's Tower: \| GWDS \| DnD Rules at the Gate of Moria \| Faramir of Lauxly \| Legolas's Bow \| Legolas in the Fellowship \| Shaving? \| Hello \| Fooshiepants LMF I Frodo: I will take the stupid ring! Hello? I SAID I WOULD TAKE IT! Council: quiet down Elves: indignant that a hobbit thought it could out do them Men: indignant that a hobbit beat them to the punchline Dwarves: Just indignant about everything Gandalf: hitting himself in the forehead and mumbling I...almost...got...you...out...of...it...dernit! Frodo: Er...one problem...I do not know the way. Elrond: Are you sure, young Frodo, son of Drogo? It will be an enormous and dangerous task. Frodo: gulp Yeah...I think... Elrond: ...great! snaps his fingers (The council suddenly are thrust into darkness and are left in it until they all realize that they are sitting down...) Council: find themselves in slightly comfortable plush chairs Some random person: HOLY CRAP! (A large sign over head blinks 'SHUT UP') Council: shuts up (A spot light illuminates Elrond who has now added an obnoxious bow tie and thin silver mic to his ensemble. He looks remarkably stupid and annoying.) Elrond: smiling like a game show host Then it's time to play! Let's make-- Sign: blinks into 'SHOUT A FELLOWSHIP IN UNISON' Council: in unison A FELLOWSHIP! Sign: blinks into 'SHUT UP AGAIN!' Council: shuts up* Elrond: Well, today on the show we have a young hobbit. This young lad lives on his own in a luxurious hobbit hole left to him by his dear Uncle. His hobbies include parties, reading books, visiting the Green Dragon with friends, and bearing the One Ring! Elves, dwarves, and men alike, please welcome... FRODO BAGGINS!!! Frodo: is illuminated on a stage in a big ugly chair Um, hi? waves in the wrong direction because the spots have momentarily blinded him Elrond: Right now, dear Frodo has volunteered to take the One Ring to Mt. Doom. Sign: CHEER MORONS! Council: cheer like morons Frodo: thumbs up Sign: ALRIGHT, SHUT UP NOW Coucil: shuts up Elrond: Unfortunately he will most likely lose his life in the process of saving us all. Sign: ONE BIG AWWWW AND THEN SHUT UP Council: obeys the sign Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... shuts up Frodo: looking suddenly pale Elrond: irritating game show host smile Now, Frodo, you volunteered, but because we're nice, we'll let you pick at least one more person to accompany you. Are you ready? Frodo: gulp Actually, can I ge-- Elrond: I thought so! Now here are the rules. You think of three questions that will help you discover of the six mystery contestants. They each volunteered to assist you in your quest. At the end of the show, you will choose. Frodo: Um...where are the con-- Elrond: snaps fingers (Another set of mysterious lights light up another section of stage, revealing six identical doors, each with a speaker on it.) Frodo: ...oh... Elrond: Now start thinking of your questions! Audience, it's time to make-- Council: A FELLOWSHIP! Sign: Darn you, beat me to it. (Elrond disappears in his matrixy way. Frodo is suddenly the only other person in the room to see. He's not very comfortable.) Frodo: mumbles This isn't very comfortable. (Suddenly, in a flash, a young elf appears, attatches a lapel mic to Frodo's shirt, and vanishes.) Frodo: That was wierd... Elrond: loudly clears his throat from the wings Frodo: Oh, yeah, er, questions. Um...volunteer one? V1: What? Well, get on with it. Frodo: If we were...stranded, yeah, on, on, a mountain...about to be...BURIED IN AN AVALANCHE, yeah, yeah, an avalanche, what would you do? V1: sounds as if is talking into a pair of socks Hmmmm...I would suggest that we go back down and through the pass that would take us to my city, where we would recieve a warm welcome and much aide from my people. Frodo: Oh, sounds like a good idea. V1: probably chewing on the sock now I should say so. It was mine. Frodo: Sure...right. Number two? V2: masked by staticy sound I would suggest we go through the mines, and we would, because I'm going to be king and you HAVE to listen to me. Frodo: Really. Sure. You keep thinking that. Three, you're up. V3: sounds like is talking through a cardboard tube I would not care what we did, because not only am I impervious to the cold, I can walk on snow too! So there. Frodo: Rea-- V4: talking through what sounds to be a box of rocks I would demand to go through the mines because it is deep and dark and there would be lots of ale and red meat right off the bone. Frodo: Good for you. I sense conflict, so let's move on to five. V5: highpitched and distorted...possibly with a wad of gum Like snow? On a like, mountain? I SO wouldn't be caught DEAD up there. Snow would, like, make my hair go like totally frizzy! Ick! Frodo: Augh! Valley girl evility! The pain! My ears...noooooooo...six, please, speak! V6: sounds like is talking into their elbow I should say not least. Bah! I would recommend the mines so I can sacrifice my life valiantly in fire, and then return stronger so I could save the wo- er, assist you in saving the world Frodo: Really? That's really interesting! (Frodo is suddenly drowned out by applause from the audience as Elrond announces a commercial break.) Sign: Stupid audience. Only clap when I command you! Council: stop (INSERT COMMERCIAL HERE) >