Beware the Chipmunk
(The lights flash and then go out completely. Elrond is suddenly illuminated by a spot light.)
Elrond: And now, welcome back to Let's Make--
Council: A FELLOWSHIP!!! *clapping*
Sign: You weren't supposed to say it there, dolts.
Council: *embarassed silence*
Elrond: As I was saying, welcome back. Frodo now only has two questions left. He had best make them count. So now, Let's Make--
Elrond: *clears throat*
Sign: Oh, say it already. Clap too.
Council: A FELLOWSHIP! *clapping*
Sign: Now stop.
Council: *some crickets in the background*
Sign: I said stop!
(Elrond widely gestures towards Frodo, who is now also illuminated, and has fallen asleep.)
Elrond: Ahem. A-HEM. Frodo! *nervously tugs at bow tie* Um, it seems that our ringbearer, is, uh, out of comission right now...
Sign: I count down, you shot WAKE UP FRODO. 3...2...1...
Council: *in utter obedience* WAKE UP FRODO!
Frodo: *stirs slightly* Sngrk... *goes back to sleep*
Sign: Dernitall! I'm missing my soaps! *angrily showers sparks on Frodo*
Frodo: AAAAAUGH! FIRE! FIRE! Fi...re... *looks dazedly about*
Elrond: Frodo, ahem, next question please?
(Elrond poofs as the doors are once more lit up. Frodo is still confused, but catches on...)
Crickets: *going full force*
Frodo: Oh! Question! Right!
V1: *has more than likely swallowed the original sock and is now chewing another* 'bout bloody time.
Frodo: Oh, er, sorry... Question, question...
Volunteers: GET ON WITH IT!
Frodo: Let me think!
Elrond: *from the shadows* GET ON WITH IT!
Sign: Tell him to get on with it!
Council: GET ON WITH IT!
Frodo: *distinctly nervous* Uh...volunteers... What is your idea of a good way to die?
V1:*maybe it's two socks now* I would go down, bravely sacrificing my life in repentance for any harm done, bringing honor and glory to my people.
Frodo: Thoughtful bloke... Uh, two?
V2: *cell phone in a tunnel static* After many years of ruling MY city, I would die in a heroic fashion in the defense of MY kingdom, therefore, saving them all. You know, all the people of MY kingdom, 'cause I'd be their king.
V1: Oh, stuff it Two.
V2: You stuff it! I command you!
V1: Command me, will you?! Why, I'll--
Frodo: Augh! Three, quick!
V3: *maybe it's a tube of wallpaper* Me? Die? I think not.
V4: *through a shaking box of marbles* Because you're a pansy! If you were tough, like me, you'd kill hundreds of orcs, to avenge your cousin. Then, there would only be one left. So, using your last ounce of strength, you wrestle it into a giant chasm filled with mithril. Ahhh...mithril...
V3: Oh, do shut up. No one cares.
Frodo: Okay, ENOUGH FIGHTING! *growling*
Sign: Gasp, my minions, gasp.
Council: *obediently gasps*
Sign: Good council, I have trained you well.
Frodo: Argh. Five, please?!
V5: *chomping on an entire pack of BubbleYum* I will never die. I'm far too pretty. Wait...if I do die, will there be a mall? Oh gawd, I like totally hope so.
Frodo: Ears... *twitch* Burning... *twitch* Six! PLEASE!
Six: *stuck to elbow with superglue* I would valiantly sacrifice myself for the world...and then come back exponentially more powerful.
Frodo: I don't know if that counts...but okay...
Sign: CLAP PAWNS!!!
(Once more a commercial break is called for. Frodo is currently picking his nose, trying to ignore the first four volunteers and their fight. V5 won't shut up, and there seems to be smoke coming from under door six.)